Kate
I followed Alice over, and I could tell she was nervous from how quickly she was walking. I was glad to have her next to me though. That was the real reason I went with her to college, pure protection. Once I came out, I felt like my skin was peeled back, and I was exposed. Alice made me comfortable, gave me a shield. I was trying to be more outgoing, though, but I knew we would still be tight like always. Honestly, she was almost entertaining enough to not need other people, but my therapist told me to remember to branch out. So I was trying.
“Hey Blanche.” Alice said loudly, over the noise. She was wearing some sort of ridiculous outfit that I could tell Alice was admiring.
“Hey! Hey guys! Oh, come here, meet everyone!” she promptly introduced me to a number of people I knew I wouldn’t remember. First, they all kind of looked the same to me, shaggy hair and cigarettes, and second, I was horrible with names.
“So you’re the dope freshman.” This girl said in a deadpan.
“You know it.” I threw up my gang sign.
“Kate I told you not to do that in public. I apologize for my thug friend here; she doesn’t know how to act in polite company.” Alice explained. Everyone laughed appreciatively.
“Oh my god, where did you find them?” the same girl asked.
“They just fell into our laps, pretty much. I told you I found the best ones.” Blanche looked smug. She put an arm around me and steered us inside.
“See, it’s important to meet your friends early in freshman year, upperclassmen who can introduce you to the right people and so forth. Otherwise you get stuck with all confused freshman. I didn’t meet Marcus until halfway through the year, and I spent the first half stuck at a capella concerts with my lame roomie. Then I met Marcus and all these people and started having actual fun. You guys are starting off right.” I felt pride surge in my chest. Al and I had spent three years of high school alone til we met our cool artsy friends, so I knew what she meant. We wouldn’t have to wait this time, we had already found them.
“Hey!” Ellen ran over and grabbed my arm. She was so fucking cute. I was still hung up on straight girls, because I had no real lesbian experience. My only girlfriend from high school was this preppy girl named Taylor who hid our relationship then dumped me for a boy. She got scared about being gay, I guess. Whatever, it still stung. But Ellen, she was something. Big pouty lips and bigger wide eyes. She was smaller than me, and thinner, which is how I liked my girls.
“I’m so glad you came. What can I get you?”
“Uh, what are you drinking?”
“Red Stripe, it’s so good.” She pulled me over and handed me one. Alice was talking to Marcus, who was a few inches shorter than her, and I could tell from how she was slumping that he thought he was cute. She was trying to be shorter. Her red hair looked pretty cool, I had to admit. She looked like Claire Danes from My So Called Life. It was easy for Al to look great though. She was tall and model thin, which was only not intimidating because of how she held herself. If she were elegant it’d be a different story, but she wore her lankiness awkwardly, making her look more endearing, less hate-able. I turned back to Ellen, attempting to make non-weird conversation.
“So who are all these people?”
“Well, that group is Marcus’ art friends, and the ones by the records are my friends from the radio station. I have a radio show. It’s on at twelve to two Thursday night, but still.” She looked proud of herself.
“What do you play?”
“Live sets. That’s my thing. I have live recordings of band sets, or campus bands come in and do one.”
“Oh that’s cool. I have a David Bowie live album if you want to borrow it.” I was glad I had something to offer her.
“Yeah definitely. I love Bowie.” She excused herself to go talk to some friends, so I sat back and surveyed the scene. I gulped some beer down, glad to be drinking so I could look busy. I was oddly comfortable just observing parties until I was drunk enough to talk to random people. In high school I was known to be the one pulling stupid shit all night, pranks and the like, starting impromptu water balloon fights and smashing bottles. Everyone called me Hurricane Kate after one such incident. I thought that would be a good super-villain name, incidentally. I got the reckless feeling in my stomach after one beer where I knew I needed another to keep it going. I chugged a can I got from some guy, and started to feel like my old self. Alice kept going on about College Us, but I wanted to go back to who I was in high school: celebrated prankster and Alice’s partner in crime. I was comfortable with that. But I decided to talk to Marcus, since Alice had left him alone. He seemed nice enough, and I could plant some seeds about Al.
“Sup, dude?” I greeted him.
“You are so strange, Kate.” He half-smiled at me, his eyes warm.
“That’s what they tell me. 'They' being my parents.” I was drunk now, and I could feel my words coming out heavy and awkward. He laughed though, so I continued.
"Everyone spends so much time telling me how weird I am, but I don’t believe them." He nodded, still smiling. I wondered why he was looking at me like that.
"That's a good thing, Kate. I think you're pretty rad."
"Me too. Alice and I are awesome." There we go, I thought to myself, plant the seed of Alice.
"Yeah, she seems cool. You're just…fun, I think."
"Yeah we are. I want to smoke. Want to smoke?" I was talking fast, I could tell. He was looking at me like I looked at pot roast: hungry. I didn’t want to overstep our new friendship-type thing and tell him I was gay, in case he just looked at everyone like that.
"Nah I just had a cigarette." he shrugged.
"I mean pot, buddy." I pulled out a dime bag. I knew I was kind of wasting our stash, smoking him up, since we didn’t have a dealer yet, but I betted we would soon enough.
"Oh word, yeah." I looked around for Alice, and didn’t see her. Oh well, I thought. I followed Marcus outside to roll a joint.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Alice and Kate Go To College
Alice
“Now what are we supposed to do?” Kate asked. We were sitting on our new dorm rooms beds, fully unpacked. The shrieks of kids playing a game of capture the flag on the quad pierced the air.
“I guess meet some new people.” I proposed halfheartedly.
“Please, that’s why I went to the same college as you. To not meet new people.” I rolled my eyes. Yes, we decided to go to the same school, but frankly the amount of colleges that would let lackluster students such as ourselves in was narrow enough that it barely mattered. We got into most of the same schools, and felt apathetic enough we tried to “rock paper scissors” a selection. We chose the University of Massachusetts because it was cheap, big enough to lose ourselves in, and the dining hall was ok compared to the others we tested.
“Let’s at least meet our neighbors.” I coaxed Kate up off her bed, pulling her hands and dragging her to the door. We walked next door, where the door was propped open and some mainstream hip hop was bumping.
“Oh jesus.” Kate did not look pleased.
“Kate, shut up.”
“Hey girls!” An extremely peppy and small Asian girl greeted us. She was standing on her bed, hanging a poster. “I’m Melanie!”
“I’m Alice, this is Kate.”
“Nice! Where are you from?”
“Uhm, West Harlow, Massachusetts.”
“Nice! Come on in and chat.” Kate looked at me, seething. She hated peppy people, naturally.
“Actually, we’re….going to explore campus.” I ad libbed. I really didn’t want to be subjected to Young G Moneyz or whatever was playing. I also hated “get to know you” questions, but I figured those were unavoidable until everyone learned to leave us alone.
“Ok.” Melanie looked disappointed. “But stop by whenever!”
As we went back into our room, closing the door, Kate shook her head slowly.
“We are not cut out for college life, Alice.” “I know. Let’s do something to take the edge off.”
“Oh great, now we’re going to get written up before classes even start.” Kate flopped onto her bed. I considered her remark briefly.
“Better than sitting in Melanie’s room, hanging Angelina Jolie posters for her.”
“Touché.”
I packed a bowl, as Kate opened the window, struggling with the screen. We had a window seat, which was nice. It added slight hominess to our otherwise prison-issued cinderblock walls. We sat like bookends, our feet crossing the middle. We passed the bowl back and forth, blowing smoke out the window carefully.
“What’s your major going to be?” Kate asked out of the blue.
“Fucking…No idea.”
“Me either.”
“We’re off to a great start.”
“Want to get dinner?”
“Alice, it’s 5 o’clock. That’s a little geriatric even for us.”
“What else are we going to do?”
“Point taken. Let’s go get that blue light special.”
We grabbed our new skateboards and headed down the dorm stairs. We bought new decks for school, because our dorm was far away from some things on campus, like the dining hall and gym. We might never use the gym, but the dining hall was a necessity, naturally. I pushed off on the walkway, weaving adeptly through clumps of lost freshman carrying maps. My new cherry red hair whipped into my face, strands sticking from the autumn breeze. Kate and I had dyed it with “Fire Engine Red” hair dye in my bathtub, which looked like that scene from “Psycho”. We bleached a few strands of Kate’s tangled tresses, which had turned into almost-dreads. I called them, affectionately, shit-locks. We both felt like we had needed change after she came out and I lost my virginity. We were new people, new versions of ourselves, the College Kate and Alice. I kick-flipped over a curb, coming to a stop on the patio in front of the dining hall.
“Show off.” Kate grumbled, as she hit her shin with her botched attempt. A few people looked at us oddly, since girls on skateboards are typically unusual, I guess. Plus my lanky, nearly six foot frame attracted stares most places. And Kate, of course, just looked strange. Her wild locks topping a face with a few new piercings in her facial region terrified most parents, and I guessed some sheltered incoming freshman shared that sentiment. And how we dressed didn’t help. My tight jeans and combat boots and her Chuck Taylors and Bad Brains shirt made us look like hooligans, as my mother said. But we needed to make a statement, on this first day of our next four years. We wanted to attract the right kind of people, not the Melanies of the campus. We wanted to find our fellow freaks who liked weird shit like we did.
Kate pushed opened the double doors as I trailed behind her. We fell into line, looking around at the enormous dining hall. As we inched closer to the buffet, I grabbed Kate’s shoulders and shook her slightly.
“Our fist college meal!” I ignored the boy snickering behind me.
“What a Kodak moment. Take my picture by the juice machine.”
“I’m trying to be enthusiastic.”
“Well, you’re starting to remind me of Dolly.” Dolly was her golden retriever.
“Ass.” We both picked up some mac and cheese, tucking our decks under our arms awkwardly as we balanced our trays. We stopped and faced the dining hall, Kate’s mouth opened slightly.
“Where should we….” I trailed off.
“We should find someone to sit with.” I turned to her, surprised.
“That’s surprisingly friendly coming from you.”
“I’m getting sick of you already.” She chuckled.
“Ok, who?” we scanned the room, as people pushed by us, giving us looks. I saw a bunch of nervous freshman interspersed with self-confident groups I assumed were upperclassmen. My eyes caught on a group of the coolest looking people I had ever seen. They didn’t make them like that in West Harlow. The group was centered on a pretty girl with heavy blonde bangs and even heavier black eye makeup. To her left was a boy with a short Mohawk and a leather jacket. Sitting across from them was a girl with long, jet-black hair and almond eyes. She was gesticulating elegantly as she talked, her hands moving easily.
“Dude, we need those friends.” I pointed with a nod of my chin.
“Yeah we do.”
“Want to…?” I stopped myself. Talking to people was not our forte. We usually just kept to ourselves, but I reminded myself that I was now College Alice, who probably did this sort of thing all the time.
“Let’s go and try this “meet new people” business.” Kate sighed.
We edged through the crowded room, banging into people’s chairs and apologizing. We stopped in front of their table and I cleared my throat.
“Can we sit here?” I felt my face flush, which I new was not an attractive look for my freckles.
“Sure, grab a seat.” The blonde girl smiled. As we sat down she continued.
“I’m Blanche, this is Marcus and Ellen.” They both waved.
“I’m Kate, and this is Alice.” Kate pointed at me, as if there was another person who could possibly be Alice in the vicinity.
“You guys freshman?” Marcus asked in a deep, gravely voice. I immediately thought he was cute, and immediately chastised myself for being such a boy crazy little girl.
“Yep.” He watched Kate stuff her face with admiration, and I smiled.
“What’re your majors?” The girl named Ellen had a high voice, babyish and breathy and pouty lips.
“Well, you see,” I started, “We have no fucking clue.” She laughed.
“Me either and I’m a sophomore. So don’t worry.”
“It’s not that we don’t have any interests, we just lack any sort of ambition.” Kate explained further. They all burst out laughing.
“I’m an English literature major, and Marcus does studio art. We’re all kind of art fags, in our own way.” Blanche smiled.
“I’m thinking psychology, so I can diagnose myself.” I offered.
“And I’m thinking…. Where’s dessert?” Kate looked around. I hit my forehead in mock desperation.
“Who are you two, Laurel and Hardy?” Marcus looked bewildered.
“We just spend too much time together. We’ve been practicing our routine for fifteen years.” Kate said in pretend seriousness.
“And you came to the same college? Wow, impressive.”
“I’m not half as funny without her.” I shrugged.
“You guys should come over after dinner to Ellen and my room; we’re having some friends over. And we just found the best freshman to introduce, I think.” She looked at the other two for their agreement. Marcus nodded emphatically, watching Kate intently. I wanted to tell him he was barking up the wrong tree, as it were, but I thought that a little forward. Kate was still shy about telling people she was gay.
“Where’s your dorm?” Kate pulled out a pen to write the name on her arm.
“In the quad, it’s easy to find. Just take my number and call me when you want to come over.” Kate copied it down on her forarm.
“Kate, the idea is to be able to read this.” I chided.
“Fuck offfff…” she drawled.
“You two might be crazy.” Marcus still seemed charmed by us.
“You know, we hear that a lot.” I looked at Kate, “Don’t we?”
“My therapist tells me that every week.” She picked up her deck, and stood to leave.
“Ok, come by around eight.” Ellen gave us the full effect of her smile, and I could tell Kate was crushing on her by the way she looked at Ellen’s generous mouth.
“You even skateboard?” Blanche’s eyes sparkled, “We so got the best freshman.”
“So see you later?” I looked from face to face, still surprised by how easy that was.
“Definitely.”
After a slightly more dangerous nighttime skate home, I sat on my bed, panting from the exertion.
“Did we just make cool friends?” I flopped backwards onto my pillows.
Kate was laying facedown on her black bedspread, and picked her head up.
“You act like we’re lepers.”
“Aren’t we?”
“Not literally.” She rolled onto her back.
“I meant figuratively.”
“Well, maybe we just found a leper colony.”
“Good point. What are you wearing?” I sat up suddenly.
“I can’t wear this?”
“No, my little brother’s sweatshirt is not appropriate.”
“They liked us; we don’t need to dress up.”
“What about their cool friends?”
“Oh, right. Fine, I’ll put on a normal shirt and some makeup.”
“Thank you.” I was satisfied.
I wore a flannel shirt I stole from Aaron, my high school boyfriend and v-card taker, back when we were still dating. He was at school on the west coast, so thus, we were not dating. It was big enough that I paired it with just a pair of tights and some short denim cut offs. Kate was wearing a pair of men’s work pants and a men’s undershirt.
“We look like lumberjacks.” She noted.
“It’ll be our thing?” I suggested.
“We look like Kurt Cobain does lumberjack.” She maintained.
“Grunge is cool, Kate, stop making me feel like a freak.”
“Freak on a leash, more like it.”
“That’s a Goth song.” I rolled my eyes.
“It’s the right era, I get points.” She maintained
We left then, talking about the relative weirdness of Marilyn Manson over the years. I smoked a cigarette as we walked over to the dorm, feeling anxious. I wished I had a drink in me to settle my nerves. My pot buzz had worn off and I was startlingly sober. I felt like I was on a first date, except with a whole bunch of people instead of just one. We walked up to the dorm, and saw a cloud of smoke framing Blanche and some of her friends. She was holding a cigarette like a garnish, topping her crazy outfit. Patterned tights with a tiny retro dress over them, with her blonde hair flowing wild down over her shoulders. Her friends were, oddly, dressed kind of like Kate and I, in an array of flannel shirts and tight pants.
“Guess the nineties are back,” Kate noted.
“Looks like it. Smells like Teen Spirit around here.”
“No more jokes like that; we actually want them to like us.”I took a deep breathe, and walked towards the group, nerves of anticipation fizzing in my stomach.
“Now what are we supposed to do?” Kate asked. We were sitting on our new dorm rooms beds, fully unpacked. The shrieks of kids playing a game of capture the flag on the quad pierced the air.
“I guess meet some new people.” I proposed halfheartedly.
“Please, that’s why I went to the same college as you. To not meet new people.” I rolled my eyes. Yes, we decided to go to the same school, but frankly the amount of colleges that would let lackluster students such as ourselves in was narrow enough that it barely mattered. We got into most of the same schools, and felt apathetic enough we tried to “rock paper scissors” a selection. We chose the University of Massachusetts because it was cheap, big enough to lose ourselves in, and the dining hall was ok compared to the others we tested.
“Let’s at least meet our neighbors.” I coaxed Kate up off her bed, pulling her hands and dragging her to the door. We walked next door, where the door was propped open and some mainstream hip hop was bumping.
“Oh jesus.” Kate did not look pleased.
“Kate, shut up.”
“Hey girls!” An extremely peppy and small Asian girl greeted us. She was standing on her bed, hanging a poster. “I’m Melanie!”
“I’m Alice, this is Kate.”
“Nice! Where are you from?”
“Uhm, West Harlow, Massachusetts.”
“Nice! Come on in and chat.” Kate looked at me, seething. She hated peppy people, naturally.
“Actually, we’re….going to explore campus.” I ad libbed. I really didn’t want to be subjected to Young G Moneyz or whatever was playing. I also hated “get to know you” questions, but I figured those were unavoidable until everyone learned to leave us alone.
“Ok.” Melanie looked disappointed. “But stop by whenever!”
As we went back into our room, closing the door, Kate shook her head slowly.
“We are not cut out for college life, Alice.” “I know. Let’s do something to take the edge off.”
“Oh great, now we’re going to get written up before classes even start.” Kate flopped onto her bed. I considered her remark briefly.
“Better than sitting in Melanie’s room, hanging Angelina Jolie posters for her.”
“Touché.”
I packed a bowl, as Kate opened the window, struggling with the screen. We had a window seat, which was nice. It added slight hominess to our otherwise prison-issued cinderblock walls. We sat like bookends, our feet crossing the middle. We passed the bowl back and forth, blowing smoke out the window carefully.
“What’s your major going to be?” Kate asked out of the blue.
“Fucking…No idea.”
“Me either.”
“We’re off to a great start.”
“Want to get dinner?”
“Alice, it’s 5 o’clock. That’s a little geriatric even for us.”
“What else are we going to do?”
“Point taken. Let’s go get that blue light special.”
We grabbed our new skateboards and headed down the dorm stairs. We bought new decks for school, because our dorm was far away from some things on campus, like the dining hall and gym. We might never use the gym, but the dining hall was a necessity, naturally. I pushed off on the walkway, weaving adeptly through clumps of lost freshman carrying maps. My new cherry red hair whipped into my face, strands sticking from the autumn breeze. Kate and I had dyed it with “Fire Engine Red” hair dye in my bathtub, which looked like that scene from “Psycho”. We bleached a few strands of Kate’s tangled tresses, which had turned into almost-dreads. I called them, affectionately, shit-locks. We both felt like we had needed change after she came out and I lost my virginity. We were new people, new versions of ourselves, the College Kate and Alice. I kick-flipped over a curb, coming to a stop on the patio in front of the dining hall.
“Show off.” Kate grumbled, as she hit her shin with her botched attempt. A few people looked at us oddly, since girls on skateboards are typically unusual, I guess. Plus my lanky, nearly six foot frame attracted stares most places. And Kate, of course, just looked strange. Her wild locks topping a face with a few new piercings in her facial region terrified most parents, and I guessed some sheltered incoming freshman shared that sentiment. And how we dressed didn’t help. My tight jeans and combat boots and her Chuck Taylors and Bad Brains shirt made us look like hooligans, as my mother said. But we needed to make a statement, on this first day of our next four years. We wanted to attract the right kind of people, not the Melanies of the campus. We wanted to find our fellow freaks who liked weird shit like we did.
Kate pushed opened the double doors as I trailed behind her. We fell into line, looking around at the enormous dining hall. As we inched closer to the buffet, I grabbed Kate’s shoulders and shook her slightly.
“Our fist college meal!” I ignored the boy snickering behind me.
“What a Kodak moment. Take my picture by the juice machine.”
“I’m trying to be enthusiastic.”
“Well, you’re starting to remind me of Dolly.” Dolly was her golden retriever.
“Ass.” We both picked up some mac and cheese, tucking our decks under our arms awkwardly as we balanced our trays. We stopped and faced the dining hall, Kate’s mouth opened slightly.
“Where should we….” I trailed off.
“We should find someone to sit with.” I turned to her, surprised.
“That’s surprisingly friendly coming from you.”
“I’m getting sick of you already.” She chuckled.
“Ok, who?” we scanned the room, as people pushed by us, giving us looks. I saw a bunch of nervous freshman interspersed with self-confident groups I assumed were upperclassmen. My eyes caught on a group of the coolest looking people I had ever seen. They didn’t make them like that in West Harlow. The group was centered on a pretty girl with heavy blonde bangs and even heavier black eye makeup. To her left was a boy with a short Mohawk and a leather jacket. Sitting across from them was a girl with long, jet-black hair and almond eyes. She was gesticulating elegantly as she talked, her hands moving easily.
“Dude, we need those friends.” I pointed with a nod of my chin.
“Yeah we do.”
“Want to…?” I stopped myself. Talking to people was not our forte. We usually just kept to ourselves, but I reminded myself that I was now College Alice, who probably did this sort of thing all the time.
“Let’s go and try this “meet new people” business.” Kate sighed.
We edged through the crowded room, banging into people’s chairs and apologizing. We stopped in front of their table and I cleared my throat.
“Can we sit here?” I felt my face flush, which I new was not an attractive look for my freckles.
“Sure, grab a seat.” The blonde girl smiled. As we sat down she continued.
“I’m Blanche, this is Marcus and Ellen.” They both waved.
“I’m Kate, and this is Alice.” Kate pointed at me, as if there was another person who could possibly be Alice in the vicinity.
“You guys freshman?” Marcus asked in a deep, gravely voice. I immediately thought he was cute, and immediately chastised myself for being such a boy crazy little girl.
“Yep.” He watched Kate stuff her face with admiration, and I smiled.
“What’re your majors?” The girl named Ellen had a high voice, babyish and breathy and pouty lips.
“Well, you see,” I started, “We have no fucking clue.” She laughed.
“Me either and I’m a sophomore. So don’t worry.”
“It’s not that we don’t have any interests, we just lack any sort of ambition.” Kate explained further. They all burst out laughing.
“I’m an English literature major, and Marcus does studio art. We’re all kind of art fags, in our own way.” Blanche smiled.
“I’m thinking psychology, so I can diagnose myself.” I offered.
“And I’m thinking…. Where’s dessert?” Kate looked around. I hit my forehead in mock desperation.
“Who are you two, Laurel and Hardy?” Marcus looked bewildered.
“We just spend too much time together. We’ve been practicing our routine for fifteen years.” Kate said in pretend seriousness.
“And you came to the same college? Wow, impressive.”
“I’m not half as funny without her.” I shrugged.
“You guys should come over after dinner to Ellen and my room; we’re having some friends over. And we just found the best freshman to introduce, I think.” She looked at the other two for their agreement. Marcus nodded emphatically, watching Kate intently. I wanted to tell him he was barking up the wrong tree, as it were, but I thought that a little forward. Kate was still shy about telling people she was gay.
“Where’s your dorm?” Kate pulled out a pen to write the name on her arm.
“In the quad, it’s easy to find. Just take my number and call me when you want to come over.” Kate copied it down on her forarm.
“Kate, the idea is to be able to read this.” I chided.
“Fuck offfff…” she drawled.
“You two might be crazy.” Marcus still seemed charmed by us.
“You know, we hear that a lot.” I looked at Kate, “Don’t we?”
“My therapist tells me that every week.” She picked up her deck, and stood to leave.
“Ok, come by around eight.” Ellen gave us the full effect of her smile, and I could tell Kate was crushing on her by the way she looked at Ellen’s generous mouth.
“You even skateboard?” Blanche’s eyes sparkled, “We so got the best freshman.”
“So see you later?” I looked from face to face, still surprised by how easy that was.
“Definitely.”
After a slightly more dangerous nighttime skate home, I sat on my bed, panting from the exertion.
“Did we just make cool friends?” I flopped backwards onto my pillows.
Kate was laying facedown on her black bedspread, and picked her head up.
“You act like we’re lepers.”
“Aren’t we?”
“Not literally.” She rolled onto her back.
“I meant figuratively.”
“Well, maybe we just found a leper colony.”
“Good point. What are you wearing?” I sat up suddenly.
“I can’t wear this?”
“No, my little brother’s sweatshirt is not appropriate.”
“They liked us; we don’t need to dress up.”
“What about their cool friends?”
“Oh, right. Fine, I’ll put on a normal shirt and some makeup.”
“Thank you.” I was satisfied.
I wore a flannel shirt I stole from Aaron, my high school boyfriend and v-card taker, back when we were still dating. He was at school on the west coast, so thus, we were not dating. It was big enough that I paired it with just a pair of tights and some short denim cut offs. Kate was wearing a pair of men’s work pants and a men’s undershirt.
“We look like lumberjacks.” She noted.
“It’ll be our thing?” I suggested.
“We look like Kurt Cobain does lumberjack.” She maintained.
“Grunge is cool, Kate, stop making me feel like a freak.”
“Freak on a leash, more like it.”
“That’s a Goth song.” I rolled my eyes.
“It’s the right era, I get points.” She maintained
We left then, talking about the relative weirdness of Marilyn Manson over the years. I smoked a cigarette as we walked over to the dorm, feeling anxious. I wished I had a drink in me to settle my nerves. My pot buzz had worn off and I was startlingly sober. I felt like I was on a first date, except with a whole bunch of people instead of just one. We walked up to the dorm, and saw a cloud of smoke framing Blanche and some of her friends. She was holding a cigarette like a garnish, topping her crazy outfit. Patterned tights with a tiny retro dress over them, with her blonde hair flowing wild down over her shoulders. Her friends were, oddly, dressed kind of like Kate and I, in an array of flannel shirts and tight pants.
“Guess the nineties are back,” Kate noted.
“Looks like it. Smells like Teen Spirit around here.”
“No more jokes like that; we actually want them to like us.”I took a deep breathe, and walked towards the group, nerves of anticipation fizzing in my stomach.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Olive Five
You told me today that you wouldn’t tell on any of us. Thanks for that, Ms. Bloch. Anyway, people talked to me today. Mimi said hi to me in the hall, and Mike nodded at me. I didn’t respond to either of them, I was just kind of confused, you know? One beer and I exist?
Do you think this is helping my writing? I feel like I just say all the wrong things. You never told me what I was supposed to be writing about, so I just write this stuff all over the page.
Anyway, Jonas walked me to English today, did you see him? He held my hand, which was weird, because we never talked about anything like that. But I guess he figures I’m so desperate, I don’t care. I do though. I don’t like him, but what was I supposed to do? Grab my hand away. He wants me to come over after school and I said yes.
But back to my field guide. I have more favorite people to tell you about. These girls in my psychology class, Alice and Kate, are my heroes. They’re a year older than me, seniors, and I want to be just like them. They are always sharing some private joke. Alice is tall, really tall, and kind of skinny. She has long messy brown hair and nice freckles. She is really sarcastic too, sometimes I can hear her and Kate making jokes. Kate is shorter, with this long messy hair. Really messy. It’s not dreadlocks or anything, but it’s kind of close. She has these big lips and a nose ring. She always sleeps in class. They don’t care about anything. I used to watch them smoke cigarettes on the corner from my Math classroom window last year. They’re like the queens of people like me and Mark. They don’t care about anything, they just make fun of the people who try to tease them. And they’re kind of mean when they do, but the people always deserve it. Kate gave Mike Healy a wedgie on the bus a few years ago. Anyway, their friend, Stacy Cartwright is having a party tonight, and Jonas invited me to go with him. Well, he told me I was going with him.
This party was different from the last one. This was all upper-classmen, seniors mostly, and they were all the weird kids. It’s in these woods by my house, and I like being outside. I’m sitting behind the shed thing now, writing this here. I never thought I’d like my journal so much, Ms. Bloch. Stacy ended up being this short, plump hippie girl, and she said she knew Jonas from art class. Jonas bought me a beer, and then I saw Mark come up the path with Alice, Kate, and some boy. How did he know Alice and Kate? What right did he have to make cool friends, right? He was like me. He wasn’t supposed to have any friends. But I guess I had Jonas now. But I wish I had Mark and Alice and Kate as friends. Someone is coming.
Mark was coming, Ms. Bloch. I’m home now, writing this in my bed. I’m not drunk or anything, I didn’t drink. Mark walked around the corner, he wasn;t even looking for me. He seemed surprised to find me there.
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
“You came with Jonas?”
“You came with Alice and Kate?”
“Not with with them. Just in the same car.”
“Oh.”
“So you’re dating him.”
“I think so.”
“What do you mean?”
“He never asked me, and I never said yes.”
“Do you like him?”
“No.” And I didn’t.
“So tell him.”
“Oh.”
“Olive, you never tell people anything. You have to tell him you’re not his girlfriend. Don’t pretend to be just because you don’t want to say no. you never say no.”
“I do too.”
“Can I borrow you science notes?”
“Yes.”
“Olive!”
“Sorry.”
“Just say no to something.”
“Like what?”
“Can I kiss you?”
“yes.”
“You’re supposed to say no.”
“No.”
“No what?”
“No I won’t say no.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know.”
“Olive!”
“Fine. Fine. Because I want you to kiss me.”
“Finally.” He pulled my face to his, and his kissing was nice. I didn’t want to check the time once.
I’m not acting it out with Astor and our dolls. It’s too private.
But I’m going to have to make a Mark doll to hold hands with my doll now.
Do you think this is helping my writing? I feel like I just say all the wrong things. You never told me what I was supposed to be writing about, so I just write this stuff all over the page.
Anyway, Jonas walked me to English today, did you see him? He held my hand, which was weird, because we never talked about anything like that. But I guess he figures I’m so desperate, I don’t care. I do though. I don’t like him, but what was I supposed to do? Grab my hand away. He wants me to come over after school and I said yes.
But back to my field guide. I have more favorite people to tell you about. These girls in my psychology class, Alice and Kate, are my heroes. They’re a year older than me, seniors, and I want to be just like them. They are always sharing some private joke. Alice is tall, really tall, and kind of skinny. She has long messy brown hair and nice freckles. She is really sarcastic too, sometimes I can hear her and Kate making jokes. Kate is shorter, with this long messy hair. Really messy. It’s not dreadlocks or anything, but it’s kind of close. She has these big lips and a nose ring. She always sleeps in class. They don’t care about anything. I used to watch them smoke cigarettes on the corner from my Math classroom window last year. They’re like the queens of people like me and Mark. They don’t care about anything, they just make fun of the people who try to tease them. And they’re kind of mean when they do, but the people always deserve it. Kate gave Mike Healy a wedgie on the bus a few years ago. Anyway, their friend, Stacy Cartwright is having a party tonight, and Jonas invited me to go with him. Well, he told me I was going with him.
This party was different from the last one. This was all upper-classmen, seniors mostly, and they were all the weird kids. It’s in these woods by my house, and I like being outside. I’m sitting behind the shed thing now, writing this here. I never thought I’d like my journal so much, Ms. Bloch. Stacy ended up being this short, plump hippie girl, and she said she knew Jonas from art class. Jonas bought me a beer, and then I saw Mark come up the path with Alice, Kate, and some boy. How did he know Alice and Kate? What right did he have to make cool friends, right? He was like me. He wasn’t supposed to have any friends. But I guess I had Jonas now. But I wish I had Mark and Alice and Kate as friends. Someone is coming.
Mark was coming, Ms. Bloch. I’m home now, writing this in my bed. I’m not drunk or anything, I didn’t drink. Mark walked around the corner, he wasn;t even looking for me. He seemed surprised to find me there.
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
“You came with Jonas?”
“You came with Alice and Kate?”
“Not with with them. Just in the same car.”
“Oh.”
“So you’re dating him.”
“I think so.”
“What do you mean?”
“He never asked me, and I never said yes.”
“Do you like him?”
“No.” And I didn’t.
“So tell him.”
“Oh.”
“Olive, you never tell people anything. You have to tell him you’re not his girlfriend. Don’t pretend to be just because you don’t want to say no. you never say no.”
“I do too.”
“Can I borrow you science notes?”
“Yes.”
“Olive!”
“Sorry.”
“Just say no to something.”
“Like what?”
“Can I kiss you?”
“yes.”
“You’re supposed to say no.”
“No.”
“No what?”
“No I won’t say no.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know.”
“Olive!”
“Fine. Fine. Because I want you to kiss me.”
“Finally.” He pulled my face to his, and his kissing was nice. I didn’t want to check the time once.
I’m not acting it out with Astor and our dolls. It’s too private.
But I’m going to have to make a Mark doll to hold hands with my doll now.
Alice part 6
“Fuck, Fuck, FUCK.”
“This is becoming a motif in our life.” She tossed a shirt at me. “Wear this one.”
“This one? This one is ugly.”
“You’re ugly.”
“Not helping.”
“I wasn’t trying to. It’s nine twenty, hurry the fuck up…” She drawled and swigged from a water bottle of vodka.
“I have no idea how you can do that. Just drink it straight, ugh.” I tugged a shirt over my head, checking myself out in the mirror.
“I’m part Russian.”
“And part alcoholic.”
“Touché.” She took another gulp.
“Pass that shit, yo.”
“Liquid courage, my friend.”
“I need it. Tell me again what I’m supposed to do?”
“Make out with Aaron.”
“Right. How do I do that?”
“Well, I don’t know, move your mouth around and stick your tongue out is usually what I do but…”
“I mean, get him to kiss me, not how do I literally kiss.”
“Oh right. Well I suppose it should be easy enough: get him drunk and then bend over and shove your tits in his face.”
“You are the least helpful friend imaginable.”
“I know, I really don’t know why you put up with me. I heard a honk, let’s get your slutty little butt downstairs.”
“Bye Mom!”
“Bye girls, tell Mrs. Cartwright hello from me.”
“Yeah, bye.”
“Hello, boys.” Kate said as we crammed in the backseat.
“Sup, beezys.” Mark piped up.
“What does that even mean?” I asked
“Uhm, Hi Girls, loosely translated.” Aaron joked.
“The impenetrable language of hip-hop.” Mark shook his head sadly. “No one understands.”
“Good to see you haven’t gotten normal Mark.” Kate raised her eyebrows at me.
“No, I think it’s safe to say he hasn’t” Aaron laughed.
“Stacy planned a cake-fight for later on tonight, we’re all weird.” I pointed out.
“A cake-fight?” Mark looked awed. This was his first party with the burnouts, stoners, freaks and weirdos.
“And you’re goin’ down, suckaaaa.” Kate threw up a gang sign.
“Who on earth taught you that?”
“My cousin from New York.”
“You cousin is from Long Island.”
“Whatever, I’m badass.”
The boys were cracking up at us, and I was glad someone was there to witness our rapport for once. Usually it was just my brother, and he was too busy being thirteen to care. We pulled up to the party then, and it looked like everyone had come out for the first party of the year. We trekked through the woods next to Stacy's house to “The Camp”, her old garage which we had turned into a party room. It was an old farmhouse deal, so there was a loft upstairs, and plenty of space downstairs.
“Hey guys!” Stacy was wearing a voluminous peasant dress, and looked like she was stoned out of her mind.
Kate and I both hugged her, and then she shook Mark’s hand.
“He’s a junior, and he’s totally weird.” Kate offered.
“Nice! Hey another junior is here, some chick named Olive, you know her?” she looked at Mark.
“Yeah,” he muttered, “I do.” He had a weird look on his face, like he wanted to gag. I guess he didn’t like her or something.
“What do you want? Booze or Drugs or both?” Stacy was always a most accommodating hostess.
“Both.” Kate said.
“How ‘bout that beer, Alice?” Aaron pointed to the case of beer sitting on a table. He passed a kid five bucks, and took two, handing me one. I cracked it open, the foam bubbling up through the hole slightly. I drank it, and felt myself starting to get faded. I liked beer a lot, which sometimes got me in trouble.
“So, Al.” Aaron looked at me. My mind raced frantically for something to say or do.
“Want to make a bet?” I blurted.
“Sure.”
“Loser of the cake fight has to…” I paused, “Streak naked in the woods.”
“You’re on.”
“You’ll regret. You’re too skinny to be naked in public.” I joked.
“No, I’ll win and I get to see you…” He coughed, cutting himself off, and I blushed.
We chatted with everyone else then, keeping a distance because of what he just said. My heart was pounding in my ears. He wanted me. So why couldn’t I just do it? Just practice, right? Even though he was cute and good at skating and kind of smart. And hot. And really hot. And he wanted to see me naked. I pulled Kate aside and recapped.
“Oh man, he wants to see your tits.”
“I know. Do I show him them or just run away naked?”
“You might win the fight.”
“Please, I don’t want to see his pale, skinny butt running around.”
“You want him to see your pale butt?”
“No.”
“You’ve got quite the pickle. And I bet he does too.”
“Sick, Kate, sick.”
“I thought it was funny. Anyway, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”
“Kate focus, I need a plan.” She sighed at me.
“Ok, uhm, just kiss him and he’ll forget about the bet.”
“Sould I kiss him?”
“Alice. You like him. Admit it. He’s not a practice boy, this is for real.”
“Jesus fucking Christ. You are so right. He’s perfect. I am going to fuck this up so badly.”
“Just go over there and kiss him.” She gave me a little shove in his direction where he was in deep conversation with some skater kid named Travis, but he excused himself when he saw me coming.
“Uhm, where’d Mark go?”
“You know, I have no idea.”
“So about this bet…” I paused
“Yeah it’s stupid.”
“Well.” I smiled, “I’m stupid. I do stupid shit all day long.”
“I think you’re funny.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re not…you don’t take yourself too seriously. You’re easy going. You’re like hanging out with my guy friends.” I groaned when he said that.
“That’s the worst. I always, always get told that by guys. Which just means ‘you act too much like a dude for us to think of you as a girl.’”
“I think of you as a girl.”
“Oh.”
Just then the cake fight started. A piece of frosting flew into his face, landing right below his nose. I laughed, and pointed it out to him. He stepped closer to me, his voice growing slightly deeper.
“So get it off.”
I leaned forward and kissed him softly, closemouthed. He pulled me into him, kissing me rougher, opening my lips. I grabbed a piece of cake from the table next to us, and smooshed it on his head. He broke off our kiss, laughing. He looked me in the eyes, frosting clinging to his eyelashes.
“You are so fucking awesome, Alice.”
“This is becoming a motif in our life.” She tossed a shirt at me. “Wear this one.”
“This one? This one is ugly.”
“You’re ugly.”
“Not helping.”
“I wasn’t trying to. It’s nine twenty, hurry the fuck up…” She drawled and swigged from a water bottle of vodka.
“I have no idea how you can do that. Just drink it straight, ugh.” I tugged a shirt over my head, checking myself out in the mirror.
“I’m part Russian.”
“And part alcoholic.”
“Touché.” She took another gulp.
“Pass that shit, yo.”
“Liquid courage, my friend.”
“I need it. Tell me again what I’m supposed to do?”
“Make out with Aaron.”
“Right. How do I do that?”
“Well, I don’t know, move your mouth around and stick your tongue out is usually what I do but…”
“I mean, get him to kiss me, not how do I literally kiss.”
“Oh right. Well I suppose it should be easy enough: get him drunk and then bend over and shove your tits in his face.”
“You are the least helpful friend imaginable.”
“I know, I really don’t know why you put up with me. I heard a honk, let’s get your slutty little butt downstairs.”
“Bye Mom!”
“Bye girls, tell Mrs. Cartwright hello from me.”
“Yeah, bye.”
“Hello, boys.” Kate said as we crammed in the backseat.
“Sup, beezys.” Mark piped up.
“What does that even mean?” I asked
“Uhm, Hi Girls, loosely translated.” Aaron joked.
“The impenetrable language of hip-hop.” Mark shook his head sadly. “No one understands.”
“Good to see you haven’t gotten normal Mark.” Kate raised her eyebrows at me.
“No, I think it’s safe to say he hasn’t” Aaron laughed.
“Stacy planned a cake-fight for later on tonight, we’re all weird.” I pointed out.
“A cake-fight?” Mark looked awed. This was his first party with the burnouts, stoners, freaks and weirdos.
“And you’re goin’ down, suckaaaa.” Kate threw up a gang sign.
“Who on earth taught you that?”
“My cousin from New York.”
“You cousin is from Long Island.”
“Whatever, I’m badass.”
The boys were cracking up at us, and I was glad someone was there to witness our rapport for once. Usually it was just my brother, and he was too busy being thirteen to care. We pulled up to the party then, and it looked like everyone had come out for the first party of the year. We trekked through the woods next to Stacy's house to “The Camp”, her old garage which we had turned into a party room. It was an old farmhouse deal, so there was a loft upstairs, and plenty of space downstairs.
“Hey guys!” Stacy was wearing a voluminous peasant dress, and looked like she was stoned out of her mind.
Kate and I both hugged her, and then she shook Mark’s hand.
“He’s a junior, and he’s totally weird.” Kate offered.
“Nice! Hey another junior is here, some chick named Olive, you know her?” she looked at Mark.
“Yeah,” he muttered, “I do.” He had a weird look on his face, like he wanted to gag. I guess he didn’t like her or something.
“What do you want? Booze or Drugs or both?” Stacy was always a most accommodating hostess.
“Both.” Kate said.
“How ‘bout that beer, Alice?” Aaron pointed to the case of beer sitting on a table. He passed a kid five bucks, and took two, handing me one. I cracked it open, the foam bubbling up through the hole slightly. I drank it, and felt myself starting to get faded. I liked beer a lot, which sometimes got me in trouble.
“So, Al.” Aaron looked at me. My mind raced frantically for something to say or do.
“Want to make a bet?” I blurted.
“Sure.”
“Loser of the cake fight has to…” I paused, “Streak naked in the woods.”
“You’re on.”
“You’ll regret. You’re too skinny to be naked in public.” I joked.
“No, I’ll win and I get to see you…” He coughed, cutting himself off, and I blushed.
We chatted with everyone else then, keeping a distance because of what he just said. My heart was pounding in my ears. He wanted me. So why couldn’t I just do it? Just practice, right? Even though he was cute and good at skating and kind of smart. And hot. And really hot. And he wanted to see me naked. I pulled Kate aside and recapped.
“Oh man, he wants to see your tits.”
“I know. Do I show him them or just run away naked?”
“You might win the fight.”
“Please, I don’t want to see his pale, skinny butt running around.”
“You want him to see your pale butt?”
“No.”
“You’ve got quite the pickle. And I bet he does too.”
“Sick, Kate, sick.”
“I thought it was funny. Anyway, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”
“Kate focus, I need a plan.” She sighed at me.
“Ok, uhm, just kiss him and he’ll forget about the bet.”
“Sould I kiss him?”
“Alice. You like him. Admit it. He’s not a practice boy, this is for real.”
“Jesus fucking Christ. You are so right. He’s perfect. I am going to fuck this up so badly.”
“Just go over there and kiss him.” She gave me a little shove in his direction where he was in deep conversation with some skater kid named Travis, but he excused himself when he saw me coming.
“Uhm, where’d Mark go?”
“You know, I have no idea.”
“So about this bet…” I paused
“Yeah it’s stupid.”
“Well.” I smiled, “I’m stupid. I do stupid shit all day long.”
“I think you’re funny.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re not…you don’t take yourself too seriously. You’re easy going. You’re like hanging out with my guy friends.” I groaned when he said that.
“That’s the worst. I always, always get told that by guys. Which just means ‘you act too much like a dude for us to think of you as a girl.’”
“I think of you as a girl.”
“Oh.”
Just then the cake fight started. A piece of frosting flew into his face, landing right below his nose. I laughed, and pointed it out to him. He stepped closer to me, his voice growing slightly deeper.
“So get it off.”
I leaned forward and kissed him softly, closemouthed. He pulled me into him, kissing me rougher, opening my lips. I grabbed a piece of cake from the table next to us, and smooshed it on his head. He broke off our kiss, laughing. He looked me in the eyes, frosting clinging to his eyelashes.
“You are so fucking awesome, Alice.”
Alice Part 5
Friday during school, he turned around in psych to talk to me.
“Do you need a ride to the party?”
“Yeah, she does.” Kate answered for me.
“Uh, yeah that’d be sweet.” That’d be sweet? What was I thinking? And I didn’t need a ride, she lived two streets away. But I guess this was Kate’s plan. The big make-out with Aaron? Maybe. He was a good practice boy, because college was looming and I was going to be the Creepy Virgin on Campus.
“What time?” he raised his eyebrows.
“Uh, nine thirty?” I wondered how Kate would get there now. Her lazy ass was not going to walk, I was sure.
“Okay.” He smiled. “I’m driving Mark too, so I can give you a ride too, Kate.”
“Okay.”
Looked like I was still going to be Creepy Virgin after all.
“Fuck, Fuck, FUCK.”
“This is becoming a motif in our life.” She tossed a shirt at me. “Wear this one.”
“This one? This one is ugly.”
“You’re ugly.”
“Not helping.”
“I wasn’t trying to. It’s nine twenty, hurry the fuck up…” She drawled and swigged from a water bottle of vodka.
“I have no idea how you can do that. Just drink it straight, ugh.” I tugged a shirt over my head, checking myself out in the mirror.
“I’m part Russian.”
“And part alcoholic.”
“Touché.” She took another gulp.
“Pass that shit, yo.”
“Liquid courage, my friend.”
“I need it. Tell me again what I’m supposed to do?”
“Make out with Aaron.”
“Right. How do I do that?”
“Well, I don’t know, move your mouth around and stick your tongue out is usually what I do but…”
“I mean, get him to kiss me, not how do I literally kiss.”
“Oh right. Well I suppose it should be easy enough: get him drunk and then bend over and shove your tits in his face.”
“You are the least helpful friend imaginable.”
“I know, I really don’t know why you put up with me. I heard a honk, let’s get your slutty little butt downstairs.”
“Bye Mom!”
“Bye girls, tell Mrs. Cartwright hello from me.”
“Yeah, bye.”
“Hello, boys.” Kate said as we crammed in the backseat.
“Sup, beezys.” Mark piped up.
“What does that even mean?” I asked
“Uhm, Hi Girls, loosely translated.” Aaron joked.
“The impenetrable language of hip-hop.” Mark shook his head sadly. “No one understands.”
“Good to see you haven’t gotten normal Mark.” Kate raised her eyebrows at me.
“No, I think it’s safe to say he hasn’t” Aaron laughed.
“Stacy planned a cake-fight for later on tonight, we’re all weird.” I pointed out.
“A cake-fight?” Mark looked awed. This was his first party with the burnouts, stoners, freaks and weirdos.
“And you’re goin’ down, suckaaaa.” Kate threw up a gang sign.
“Who on earth taught you that?”
“My cousin from New York.”
“You cousin is from Long Island.”
“Whatever, I’m badass.”
The boys were cracking up at us, and I was glad someone was there to witness our rapport for once. Usually it was just my brother, and he was too busy being thirteen to care. We pulled up to the party then, and it looked like everyone had come out for the first party of the year. We trekked through the woods next to Stacy's house to “The Camp”, her old garage which we had turned into a party room. It was an old farmhouse deal, so there was a loft upstairs, and plenty of space downstairs.
“Hey guys!” Stacy was wearing a voluminous peasant dress, and looked like she was stoned out of her mind.
Kate and I both hugged her, and then she shook Mark’s hand.
“He’s a junior, and he’s totally weird.” Kate offered.
“Nice! Hey another junior is here, some chick named Olive, you know her?” she looked at Mark.
“Yeah,” he muttered, “I do.” He had a weird look on his face, like he wanted to gag. I guess he didn’t like her or something.
“What do you want? Booze or Drugs or both?” Stacy was always a most accommodating hostess.
“Both.” Kate said.
“How ‘bout that beer, Alice?” Aaron pointed to the case of beer sitting on a table. He passed a kid five bucks, and took two, handing me one. I cracked it open, the foam bubbling up through the hole slightly.
“Do you need a ride to the party?”
“Yeah, she does.” Kate answered for me.
“Uh, yeah that’d be sweet.” That’d be sweet? What was I thinking? And I didn’t need a ride, she lived two streets away. But I guess this was Kate’s plan. The big make-out with Aaron? Maybe. He was a good practice boy, because college was looming and I was going to be the Creepy Virgin on Campus.
“What time?” he raised his eyebrows.
“Uh, nine thirty?” I wondered how Kate would get there now. Her lazy ass was not going to walk, I was sure.
“Okay.” He smiled. “I’m driving Mark too, so I can give you a ride too, Kate.”
“Okay.”
Looked like I was still going to be Creepy Virgin after all.
“Fuck, Fuck, FUCK.”
“This is becoming a motif in our life.” She tossed a shirt at me. “Wear this one.”
“This one? This one is ugly.”
“You’re ugly.”
“Not helping.”
“I wasn’t trying to. It’s nine twenty, hurry the fuck up…” She drawled and swigged from a water bottle of vodka.
“I have no idea how you can do that. Just drink it straight, ugh.” I tugged a shirt over my head, checking myself out in the mirror.
“I’m part Russian.”
“And part alcoholic.”
“Touché.” She took another gulp.
“Pass that shit, yo.”
“Liquid courage, my friend.”
“I need it. Tell me again what I’m supposed to do?”
“Make out with Aaron.”
“Right. How do I do that?”
“Well, I don’t know, move your mouth around and stick your tongue out is usually what I do but…”
“I mean, get him to kiss me, not how do I literally kiss.”
“Oh right. Well I suppose it should be easy enough: get him drunk and then bend over and shove your tits in his face.”
“You are the least helpful friend imaginable.”
“I know, I really don’t know why you put up with me. I heard a honk, let’s get your slutty little butt downstairs.”
“Bye Mom!”
“Bye girls, tell Mrs. Cartwright hello from me.”
“Yeah, bye.”
“Hello, boys.” Kate said as we crammed in the backseat.
“Sup, beezys.” Mark piped up.
“What does that even mean?” I asked
“Uhm, Hi Girls, loosely translated.” Aaron joked.
“The impenetrable language of hip-hop.” Mark shook his head sadly. “No one understands.”
“Good to see you haven’t gotten normal Mark.” Kate raised her eyebrows at me.
“No, I think it’s safe to say he hasn’t” Aaron laughed.
“Stacy planned a cake-fight for later on tonight, we’re all weird.” I pointed out.
“A cake-fight?” Mark looked awed. This was his first party with the burnouts, stoners, freaks and weirdos.
“And you’re goin’ down, suckaaaa.” Kate threw up a gang sign.
“Who on earth taught you that?”
“My cousin from New York.”
“You cousin is from Long Island.”
“Whatever, I’m badass.”
The boys were cracking up at us, and I was glad someone was there to witness our rapport for once. Usually it was just my brother, and he was too busy being thirteen to care. We pulled up to the party then, and it looked like everyone had come out for the first party of the year. We trekked through the woods next to Stacy's house to “The Camp”, her old garage which we had turned into a party room. It was an old farmhouse deal, so there was a loft upstairs, and plenty of space downstairs.
“Hey guys!” Stacy was wearing a voluminous peasant dress, and looked like she was stoned out of her mind.
Kate and I both hugged her, and then she shook Mark’s hand.
“He’s a junior, and he’s totally weird.” Kate offered.
“Nice! Hey another junior is here, some chick named Olive, you know her?” she looked at Mark.
“Yeah,” he muttered, “I do.” He had a weird look on his face, like he wanted to gag. I guess he didn’t like her or something.
“What do you want? Booze or Drugs or both?” Stacy was always a most accommodating hostess.
“Both.” Kate said.
“How ‘bout that beer, Alice?” Aaron pointed to the case of beer sitting on a table. He passed a kid five bucks, and took two, handing me one. I cracked it open, the foam bubbling up through the hole slightly.
1066
1066-Battle of Hastings,
Norman Conquest, Bayeux Tapestry
Dear Alice,
I’m writing this note in history, so maybe you’ll learn something from all the notes I am taking. I’m writing you this to tell you…Fuck, how do I tell you?
Al,
I’m gay. Gay? Do I have to say a Lesbian? I’m new in Gay-ville. I probably know less than you do, because you used to watch a lot of Will and Grace and your cousin goes to Smith. You’re better qualified than me. I am the worst lesbian known to man…err…women. I have not idea what being a lesbian entails, besides liking girls. Is there some sort of manual or roadmap I can get somewhere? Turn left at the Home Depot, and go straight into a pile of flannel shirts? I have no idea where I am or how I got here, but I know that I am gay. Or a lesbian. Jesus fucking Christ.
Importance- Anglo-Norman Language.
What the fuck is Anglo-Norman? PAY MORE ATTENTION!!
Alice, I don’t have a crush on you. I know you got all boobilicious over the summer, and it’s a nice rack, don’t get me wrong, but you’re not my type. I actually have a girlfriend. Sort of. A secret one. I can’t tell you who it is, and before you flip out at me, know that I want to. I want to hold hands with her everywhere, and kiss her in public. But you know I can’t, because what would that mean? I’d be GAY gay. Like publicly gay, and I don’t even know if I’m supposed to call myself gay, or queer or a lesbian. I thought I would be done being confused once I admitted I liked girls, but now, it’s worse. I’m not sexually confused, I’m just label confused.
Domesday Book- get notes from stinky Tim Carter ASAP.
Essentially, Alice, I like girls. Just not you. I mean, obviously I like you, I just don’t like like you, like I like other girls. Get it?
Love,
but not that kind of love,
regular love,
non-gay/lesbian love,
friend love,
Kate
Norman Conquest, Bayeux Tapestry
Dear Alice,
I’m writing this note in history, so maybe you’ll learn something from all the notes I am taking. I’m writing you this to tell you…Fuck, how do I tell you?
Al,
I’m gay. Gay? Do I have to say a Lesbian? I’m new in Gay-ville. I probably know less than you do, because you used to watch a lot of Will and Grace and your cousin goes to Smith. You’re better qualified than me. I am the worst lesbian known to man…err…women. I have not idea what being a lesbian entails, besides liking girls. Is there some sort of manual or roadmap I can get somewhere? Turn left at the Home Depot, and go straight into a pile of flannel shirts? I have no idea where I am or how I got here, but I know that I am gay. Or a lesbian. Jesus fucking Christ.
Importance- Anglo-Norman Language.
What the fuck is Anglo-Norman? PAY MORE ATTENTION!!
Alice, I don’t have a crush on you. I know you got all boobilicious over the summer, and it’s a nice rack, don’t get me wrong, but you’re not my type. I actually have a girlfriend. Sort of. A secret one. I can’t tell you who it is, and before you flip out at me, know that I want to. I want to hold hands with her everywhere, and kiss her in public. But you know I can’t, because what would that mean? I’d be GAY gay. Like publicly gay, and I don’t even know if I’m supposed to call myself gay, or queer or a lesbian. I thought I would be done being confused once I admitted I liked girls, but now, it’s worse. I’m not sexually confused, I’m just label confused.
Domesday Book- get notes from stinky Tim Carter ASAP.
Essentially, Alice, I like girls. Just not you. I mean, obviously I like you, I just don’t like like you, like I like other girls. Get it?
Love,
but not that kind of love,
regular love,
non-gay/lesbian love,
friend love,
Kate
Monday, October 13, 2008
Four
“Hey there, Andy baby.” Kate said as he jumped in the backseat. He adjusted his beanie and nodded at us, with his headphones on.
I pulled out of the parking circle and turned toward the park.
Kate cranked up the stereo, blaring The Violent Femmes. I eased the clutch as I went over the hill into the skatepark, my car making ungodly noises.
“Nice,
“Get your own car, loser.”
“Why? You drive me everywhere, it’s a good deal.”
“Mooch.”
“Chauffeur.”
“Look who it is.” She pointed.
Aaron was skating, and his tight jeans and hoodie looked good. Really good. He ollied a five foot gap, and Kate whistled appreciatively. We parked and got out. Kate and I grabbed our one deck that we shared, and Andrew took his. I handed him a juice box and walked over to the fence to watch the boys. A bunch of the littler kids waved at me, and I pulled a bag of cookies out of my backpack. They all ran over, sticking their hands in to take one each. They were like Pavlov’s skaters. Aaron manueled up to the fence, popping his board up with his foot.
“Hey guys. What’re you up to?”
“That one is my brother, we come here with him to bring him snacks and attempt to skate.” I gestured at Kate, who was rolling slowly on the mini-ramp.
“Nice.” He laughed appreciatively.
“Want a cookie and a juiced box?” I offered to him.
He shoved a cookie in his mouth, and mumbled “Thank You” spewing crumbs.
“I saw that gap you did, nice.”
“Thanks.”
“Five bucks if you can kickflip it.” I challenged.
“Done.”
He went back over, hopping on his board, picking up speed. He started his line, and went to pop over the ledge. He bailed midair, and fell to the ground. I laughed.
“Uhh, how bout I just buy you beer at the party?” he said sheepishly, sticking his hands in his pockets. I lit up a cigarette, smirking. This felt good.
“Let me see you skate.” He challenged me back.
“Oh jeez.” I rolled my eyes. I grabbed the deck from Kate, and hopped on, my cigarette pressed in my lips. I pushed off, and headed for a ramp. I just went up and back down, but at least I stayed on. He clapped, sarcastically, a crooked grin on his face. A little kid ran up to me and asked for another cookie.
“Yeah sure, Colin.” I skated back over to the fence and handed him one.
Kate wandered over too, and helped herself to a cookie.
“Let’s roll a j at your house?” she asked
“Sounds good, then I need to do some homework.”
“Yeah, right. Hey, Aaron, want to come?” I shot her a look.
“Come where?” he was praticing some sort of complicated flip thing.
“To Al’s house for milk and cookies and a joint. Or maybe a blunt.”
“Sure.”
“Follow us there.”
I turned into my driveway, shutting off the ignition. I did a terrible job parking and shrugged at Kate. I got out and leaned against the door, watching Aaron park.
“He is so cute.” Kate pointed out.
“I know. What is a cute boy doing at my house?”
“You know, I have no idea.”
I let us in the house, which was empty. My mom was still at work, thankfully. My house was clean, and it smelled like laundry. I was sort of embarrassed by it though; there were little figurines and dorky stuff everywhere. We went into the basement, grabbing a bag of chips and some soda first.
My basement smells like a combo of spilled food and pot smoke, which is why my mother never goes down there. She is blissfully unaware of my substance use, because she is rarely home. She’s a single mom, a lawyer, who is married to her job. I spend most of my time looking after Andy, because she can’t, really. I even cook him dinner and stuff. Anyway, I didn’t know what to do with a boy in my basement, so I concentrated on rolling a killer blunt.
“So what did you do this summer besides grow five inches?” Kate asked him.
“I taught swim lessons, actually.”
“Like a lifeguard?” I blew a cloud of smoke into the air.
“Kind of.” He took the blunt as I passed it to him. “I just paddled around with little kids for ten bucks an hour.”
“Nice.” Kate nodded.
“So you guys did what all summer?”
“This.” We both answered in unison.
“Aha. No jobs?”
“Al here gets paid to watch her brother, and my parents give me money because they don’t love me.”
“You two are crazy.”
“That’s the word on the street.” Kate was in her element now, high and talking shit.
“It really is.” I added.
“Nah, no one thinks that. Except me.”
“Please, everyone thinks that. We’re not cool enough to be party girls, so we’re just…. Girls who offend people like Caitlin Connors and Ms McDonald, and smoke a lot of weed.” She laughed.
“This is true. But you guys are funny, I think.”
“That is also true.” Kate was still chuckling to herself.
“I’m just a guy, though. I’m not even as noticeable as you two are.”
“You will be.” I muttered. I knew it was only a matter of time before he became sexy skater boy to our whole grade.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“She means you got… different this summer.”
“How so?”
“Uh, better at skating?” she offered.
“I guess.” He looked confused.
We sat around for a while longer, watching TV and talking bullshit about people in our grade. Aaron offered to give Kate a ride home, so I went upstairs to do homework.
“I quit.” I said out loud to myself. I had done about five math problems and my brain was hurting. Then I remember Hot Teacher Guy, and pushed myself to at least finish half of the problems. The sad thing was, I was pretty good at math, I just never paid enough attention to know what was going on.
“There. Good enough” All done, almost.
“
“No one. Uh, Myself. Uh, no one.” I answered.
“Oh I thought Kate was here.”
“Nope. How was work?”
She launched into a long description of a case she was doing. She was, ironically, a divorce lawyer. She had represented herself in my parent’s divorce almost five years ago. I heard she was the best divorce lawyer in town, whatever that means.
“Thanks for the leftovers,
I realized that I smoked a lot of weed somewhere around august, but Kate and I had nothing better to do. It was beginning to be an expensive habit though. Plus some of the kids in our grade had starting doing other drugs, acid, shrooms, and I didn’t want to get caught up in that. Maybe I did. Whatever.
Kate lived 8 houses down from me, and proximity was the man reason for our natal friendship. We played kick the can as kids. We lived in a pre-fab neighborhood with tons of other kids around. There was Mark Cohen-Barnes, who I thought was rad. He was this Jewish hp-hop kid. Then there was Olive Moore, who was also cool, in a misanthropic, outcast kind of way. Stacy Cartwright lived there too, which would make the party easy to go to. And sexy Jonas lived nearby. He was this artsy boy who I had a terminal crush on, which was now eclipsed by Mr. Cooper. I was boy crazy, from a creep distance. Who likes their math teacher?
The next few days of school were weird, because of Aaron. He was super friendly to me, but I was awkward. Now that we had hung out, what was I supposed to do?
Friday during school, he turned around in psych to talk to me.
“Do you need a ride to the party?”
“Yeah, she does.” Kate answered for me.
“Uh, yeah that’d be sweet.” That’d be sweet? What was I thinking? And I didn’t need a ride, she lived two streets away. But I guess this was Kate’s plan. The big make-out with Aaron? Maybe. He was a good practice boy, because college was looming and I was going to be the Creepy Virgin on Campus.
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