Eleven

Alice
I was special; I knew this because Blanche told me so. I was the ‘freaking coolest freshman ever’ and I could tell it was true. The coke made me feel like I WAS infinite. I was this awesome girl, with fucking red hair and long legs. I was fucking rad.
Kate kept trying to get me to dance, but I was now tired by that. Blanche rolled her eyes at me when she saw Marcus and Kate doing some sort of psyco-synchronized dance routine. I didn’t mention I had helped plan it.
“Marcus is so juvenile, that’s why we broke up. He wanted me to be, like, his girlfriend, and I wanted to just, you know, explore my opportunities.” That was different from what he had said, but who was I to judge? As he danced there in his make-up and combat boots, he looked silly, not like the sex god I had previously thought. Did I really want a boy who seemed unaware of my prowess, my innate coolness that Blanche was preaching. I wanted a boy who fucking worshipped me, like I deserved. Let him come to me. I was sure everyone around me could sense this new glow from within.
“Let’s go talk to those seniors.” Blanche pointed to two radio station Djs she told me where the coolest guys. One of them was even taller than me, so I was down. I was so down.
“What’s up, Trevor?” she air-kissed. “Steve, this is Alice. She’s bad-ass.”
“Hey, bad-ass.” he smiled.
“Hey.” I rose to my full height, looking him in the eyes.
“Whoa, you’re pretty tall, huh?” he looked me up and down appreciatively.
“Yeah.”
“Do you say more than one word at a time?” his lop-sided grin intrigued me.
“Sometimes. Lie right now. I’m going to tell you to buy me a drink.”
“Oh, underage drinker, we got here, Trev.” He passed me a foamy cup of beer from his hand. “Drink up.”
Ten minutes later Blanche was sucking face with Trevor, and I could tell I was getting close with whats-his-name. Steve. His name was Steve, I told myself.
“So, Alice, want to come check out my records in my dorm room? I’ll play you a private set.”
“Let me tell Blanche. I think she needs air anyways.” I laughed. I really wanted another line, my buzz was wearing off, and if I was about to do what I thought I was about to do, I needed to feel that sensation again.
“Let’s go to the ladies, lady.” I pulled her off Trevor’s neck and over to the line.
“I want more!” I enthused.
“More what?” she winked.
“More everything! More you, more you know what, more Steve, more me!”
“You are nuts.” she laughed, a little too loud.
“These guys are so cute, way better than Marcus, you’re right.”
“Told you so. He’s lame.”
“He wasn;t even into me, what a queerer.” I drawled. I knew that was cruel, but it felt so good to be bonding with Blanche over something. Anything, really. For the first time in my life I felt like an It girl, the girl you wanted to be at parties. I always felt like a token player, a funny girl to make people laugh, not a real main character. Blanche was easily the coolest girl I knew, and I was her party buddy, the girl she introduced to cute guys as her cute friend. In the bathroom, we giggled our way into a stall, Blanche pulling out her stash from her purse. I watched again as she sprinkled out lines of this wonder-drug, the drug that transformed me into New Alice. Brave Alice, better Alice.
After sniffing a few lines of perfection I headed back out to find Steve. I found him lounging by the bar, looking around disinterested. He hadn’t even dressed up, he was too cool to care he looked out of place in a beanie and tight pants. I had washed off my makeup in the bathroom, and unbuttoned some more of my shirt. I wanted to look older, and hot.
“Want to get out of her?” he grinned.
“Definitely” we tripped across campus, talking shit about nothing until we could just get back to his dorm room and start making out like I knew we both wanted to.
I woke up the next morning groggy, confused. Where the fuck was I? I realized there was a hairy arm over me, and the night came rushing back. I had fucked a senior. Holy shit. It was my first real one night stand. I eased out of bed, not waking him and began to dress. All of a sudden I realized what I was wearing would be infinitely recognizable as morning after clothes. I poked Steven on the shoulder.
“Hey do you have some clothes I can wear?” I held up my shiny outfit with regret. I figured he and I would be about the same size luckily.
“Yeah sure,” He got up, naked, and I cringed. I couldn’t face this through my fog, the first unfamiliar penis in the light of day I had ever seen. I was used to Aaron, knew all of his body easily, and this foreign man was kind of intimidating. I covered myself with my New York Dolls rags. He tossed me a t-shirt and some dirty-looking pants.
“I’ll clean them and bring them back.” I said quietly. I dressed without saying anything as he watched from his bed. He seemed at ease, probably because I was so much his junior. He did this all the time, I thought to myself. I gave him my number, just in case, and walked out into the light of day.