Friday, November 7, 2008

Nine

Alice
She really did look better. Pretty, even. I wanted to start drinking then, a thirst in my stomach that begged to be quenched.
“Anyone want to drink with me?”
“Oh I will!” Melanie squealed. I was surprised, she didn’t seem like a drinker, but who could tell. I poured two shots of vodka out, from the bottle Marcus had bought us earlier. I grabbed the cranberry juice chaser with one hand and balanced the full shot in the other.
“One, two three.” I counted so Melanie and I could time the drink perfectly. I pulled back the shot, feeling the burn go down my throat easily. I passed Mel the chaser and swallowed my mouthful of juice. That was better, but I wanted more. I wanted to feel infinite, to feel like I was In College, really In IT. Marcus was mixing a drink for himself and Kate drank straight from the bottle. I wanted tonight to be one of those nights full of sloshed emotions and reckless make-outs. If I was drunk, I knew I would be more likely to talk to Marcus easily, not awkwardly. I needed another drink.
We made our way to the party a little later, with Melanie talking non-stop the whole way. I could tell she was drunk, not a practiced drunk like Kate or I, but a giddy drunk you only got when you first started drinking. She stepped wildly, making errors in footing and depth. We got our hands marked with X’s at the front door, to mean we were underage. The doorman looked at Melanie’s red face knowingly, and sighed as we passed. The party was happening, full of drunken dancing and crazy costumes. Ellen ran up to us, dressed as a Blondie type, all spike heels and sparkly sequins.
“You came! I’m dj-ing in a half hour! Watch my set!”
“Of course we came. Like our costumes?” Kate was trying to flirt, I could tell.
“Yeah I do. New York Dolls, right?”
“Yes, indeed.” I nodded emphatically.
“Want to dance?” Marcus asked Kate. I was taken aback. Why hadn’t he asked me to dance? Kate didn’t even like boys.

“Yeah, Alice, Mel, come on!” Kate twirled around, throwing her arms above her head.
We all headed to the dance floor, slipping through groups of wildly dancing girls and boys. Ellen grabbed my hands and started to get down. Kate was bopping around Marcus, and Melanie danced sort of by herself, oblivious. I kind of liked her, she was like a little puppy we could mold into a full blown freak like us.
“Hey Ellen! Guess what?” I yelled into her ear.
“What?”
“Kate is interested in you.” I figured it couldn’t hurt.
“So am I!” She yelled back with a smile.
“So go get her.” I gave her a push in Kate’s direction, hoping for the best. I was also hoping Marcus would be left alone so I could dance with him. I knew I wasn’t the best dancer, but getting that close to him would give me a thrill. Kate was now dancing close with Ellen, their awkward hands on each other’s hips. I pulled Marcus over the bar to get him to get me a beer.
“So Kate and Ellen?” he raised an eyebrow.
“I think so.”
“Nice. Kate is so rad, she deserves to be liked.”
“Yeah, there’s a reason she’s my best friend, you know.”
“What’s the reason?”
“She lives close to me.” He laughed.
“I’m really glad we met you guys.” He paused, “Have you seen Blanche?”
“Nope.”
“Hmm, she said she’d be here. She’s probably surgically attached to some guy’s mouth at this point.” He said, slightly bitter.
“Oh.”
“She’s my ex. She cheated on me, oh, all the time.” He smiled slightly.
That was bad news. Blanche was perfect, delicate and adorable. Not a lanky freak like me. My stomach sank. Figured.
I went to go look for Blanche, leaving Marcus drinking alone. I was now miserable drunk, and I could feel the drunk tears coming. I found her waiting in line for the bathroom.
“Hey!” she kissed my cheek, on her tip toes to reach.
“What are you doing?” I asked. She leaned into me, and whispered.
“I have blow!” she looked triumphant.
“Really?” I was intrigued.
“Want some?”
I thought about it for a minute. It seemed a little extreme to start doing hard drugs so soon into school, but I figured if she did it, so could I.
“Yeah.”
We went into a stall together, and she used the shelf over the toilet paper dispenser to measure out two sparkly lines of white powder with a credit card. I was mesmerized by her exact motions, how she seemed to have a purpose.
“You go first.” I pulled my hair back and mimicked the motions I had used when doing the lines of adderal. I sniffed, and immediately was taken aback by the jolt I felt in my whole body. My limbs started tingling and I felt alive. Alive and sober and perfect.

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