Chapter Twenty Two

“Baby.” Andrew hugged me; I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his neck, inhaling his familiar scent. “The hair is good!”
“Yeah well, I’m never going back to that place. I might get called a skank again in public.”
“Haha oh babe, I think it’s funny. What happened with Steven?”
“Ugh, he’s a non-issue. I never even liked him.” I shrugged.
“But he’s a person, Jane.”
“Not my person.”
Andrew looked at me with his forehead wrinkled.
“You’re not mean, Jane. You know you need to apologize.”
“I know, I know.” I sighed.
“Hey, Viv called me. She wants to go to our gig tonight.”
“Oh good! I hate sitting by myself backstage. But I do like watching you get all hot and sweaty.”
“Want a preview?” He pulled me towards the bedroom.
“I missed this.”
“Oh, yeah, me too.”

I channeled Blondie that night, in latex black leggings, spike heels and a satin blue mini dress. My new heavy bangs made me feel like her, so I figured go with it. Viv was wearing her obscene black mini skirt and thigh high, Pretty Woman black boots. I was glad to have her there, that she was still my friend after what happened. But our relationship wasn’t perfect; she felt distant to me, because of the gap in our interests. Mainly, I was moving on, and she was stuck in neutral. She was still chattering about art boys and her photography, and I could tell she was on coke. I had no interest in those things anymore, so i called Leo and Yuki for backup. We were going to write an article about the show, we had decided via email earlier that day. I wanted Viv to take the pictures, but I had no trust in her ability to stay sober enough to point and click, so I told Yuki to bring a camera. Backstage, Andrew and Viv took swig for swig of their requisite Jack Daniels. I was hugging the rest of the boys, Jason lifting me up off my feet.
“Thank you so much,” Dave joked, “All his new music was so morbid. Plus I love the Sweet Jane cover, our collective muse is back! And our train wreck groupie.” He pointed at Viv as she ran into a table. I covered my face with my hands, laughing.
“I missed you,” Colin hugged me, “You two need to be together. No homo on that statement, guys!”
“You big sap, Col.” I smiled.
“Ok, Ok, let’s go!” Andrew and the boys ran on stage.
I saw Yuki and Leo come backstage, and I rushed over.
“I am so happy for you!” Yuki practically jumped on me, her pink wig going askew.
“Yay!” Leo clapped. I laughed at them, but I wondered how these new friends I had known two months were more supportive than a girl I had known for years.
“And I have news.” Leo smiled shyly. She held up her hand, with a new gold band on it.
“Commitment ceremony alert!” I yelled.
“ Two weeks from today.” I hugged her. “Now we have to have a gay wedding section!”
“Yeah, where to find female tuxes.” Yuki joked.
“Leo Wakefield: The Face of New Gay Marriage” I added.
“And Jane Tyler, resident skanky bitch.” Leo countered.
“Oh my god!” I laughed.
“We still love you!”
“Well, it’s a little bit of press for us.” Yuki cut in.
“Gee thanks.” I groaned
“Baby Jane, all grown up and slutty on the interweb.”
“Just take the pictures, Yuki!” I laughed.

Watching Andrew on stage still gave me a thrill. He swaggered around, commanding the stage. The band played well, and the crowd responded in turn. I drank it all in, along with a few shots of Jack. Viv had more than a few, and by the end was staggering and slurring, so I pulled myself away to watch her.
“How’d I do, baby?” Andrew hugged me, soaking me in his sweat.
“Gr…” he cut off my compliment with a kiss.
“Stop hogging her, we missed her too!” Colin slung an arm around my neck, “come back to Dave and my place, we’re bringing the openers and stuff.”
“Maybe I should take Viv home?”
“Nah, she’s fine.”
“Yuki? Leo?” I asked them. “Can Tay come?”
“Duh.”
“Ok then, let me text her.”
“This will be a great article, Jane, thanks for inviting us!” Yuki grabbed my hand.

We walked into their apartment in Alphabet City, and I felt like I was part of the group I always wanted to be. Fun, friendly, excited, with futures and promise. No undertones of competition and bitterness, just ease and camaraderie. Andrew’s hand in mine helped, definitely.
“So how is James?” Jason asked me.
“Oh he’s great. Dating some vegetarian, backpacking through Europe.” I answered.
“Dope. I want a Europe tour. Where’s Marie?”
“Uh, we’re having…issues. I’ll fill you in.”
“No offense, but she’s a crazy bitch. Andrew told me what happened with you two.”
“Wait til you hear this.”
After I told them all it, there was so much groaning and berating of her character by everyone that I felt reassured in my reaction. She really was a crazy bitch.
I was in a corner with Taylor, talking about ceremony plans when I heard a crash and a scream. Viv had fallen over, cracking her head on an end table. Blood was spilling everywhere. I let out an unearthly shriek and ran over.
“Call 911!” I screamed. Why was no one moving? I cradled her head in my hands, her blood running over me, warm and sticky. I was letting out loud sobs that echoed in the small space. The ambulance took what seemed like forever to arrive. I don’t remember this, but I’m told I was pried away from Viv when the EMTs came, restrained by Colin and Andrew. I didn’t want to let her go.
We all went to the hospital, and as soon as I walked in the doors, I felt sober. The yellowness of the lighting bouncing off the taupe walls hurt my eyes. Leo led me to a seat, holding my hand the whole time. she murmured reassurances, and stroked my hair as I continued to sob. I could have prevented this, I knew it. The guilt and fear was eating me, and I felt the old blackness inside me welled up. I had been so preoccupied with myself this summer, but I had known Viv needed help. It dawned on me.
I was the bitch.
I was so self-centered, so careless with people. I hurt Steven, I hurt Andrew, and now I let Viv hurt herself.
I stayed all night, and was finally allowed to see her. They had pumped her stomach, and stitched her substantial cut. They had checked for internal bleeding and i breathed easier finding out all she had was a concussion. I walked into the hospital room, where her parents sat, ashen faced and sober. They looked at me with accusing eyes.
“Mom, Dad, can you leave for a minute?”
“We’ll be right outside.” Her mom gave me a dirty look.
“Viv…” They had shaved the part over her cut, leaving a large space with her ugly stitches visible. She looked like a war victim, her face devoid of make-up, and I finally saw how bad she had become. The Gaunt cheekbones and sallow circles under her eyes scared me. her body was so thin in her gown, her hands spindly and her arms weak-looking.
“I am so sorry.” I sobbed.
“I need help.”
“I know, I have known, I did nothing, this is my fault.”
“No, baby, no. I knew too.”
“I should have told someone, I should have…” I broke off.
“You are a good friend, Jane. You’re my only friend. I need you, don’t blame yourself.”
“You are so beautiful and talented! Don’t leave me, I need you too.”
“I don’t blame you, I got myself into this. I’m taking a semester off, living at home, and…” She sighed, “Going into a program. Outpatient, but…”
I hugged her the best I could.
“You’re going to be my freelance photographer.” I said firmly. “The magazine needs you too. Yuki sucks at taking pictures. I can’t pay you a lot, but you’ll get a portfolio.”
“I would love that.” She smiled weakly.
“Whenever you’re ready, the offer is open.”
“As long as you can stand to see me.”
“Girl, I’ll trek out to Long Island for you as much as I can.”
“You hate Long Island!”
“I like the Hamptons.”
“You WASP.”
“Shut up, jerk.” I smiled
“Don’t call me a jerk, I’m an invalid.”
Despite her concussion, she seemed more lucid and engaged than she had in months.
“You’re making jokes!”
“Not cutting lines.”
“I missed you.”
“I missed me too.”
Marie never visited Viv, or answered my phone calls.