Sunday, October 5, 2008

Chapter Twenty

"Do you really think so?You’re such a bitchYou’re such a bitchYou’re such a bitchYou’re such a bitch " Bratmobile
I went to work the next mooring, bringing a massive coffee. I slept poorly, from the coke and from thinking about Andrew. When I walked in Leo was sobbing at her desk, honestly, and unashamed of her spectacle. I felt oddly jealous of her ability to show real emotion for a moment, then I asked what was wrong.
“They…let me go!” she choked out.
“They what?”
“We got bought by a publishing company, they’re doing overhauls and they don’t want editorials. See You Next Tuesday is going to be a commercial,” she sobbed harder, “a commercial magazine!”
“What the fuck?” I exploded. “You’re the best writer here!”
“I…know!”
“Start your own magazine.” I said firmly. I didn’t want there to be a world without the magazine that was my escape from the Glamour sand Cosmos. I needed a magazine like that, and I knew thousands of girls did too.
“With what money, Jane?”
“How’s thirty thousand?”
“What?” she stopped crying, looking at me.
“I have a trust fund. This is what I want to do. Thirty Thousand.”
She looked at me, curious. “Ok.”
“Ok?”
“Only if you’re the editor.”
“No way, you’re the editor in chief. It’s my magazine, I get to pick.”
Yuki burst in, in a bigger whirlwind than usual. She was wearing a purple shag wig, and her face was contorted with anger.
“No fucking way!” She yelled.
“It’s ok.” I said, “Leo and I are starting a new magazine with ym money.”
“Ok. I better be fashion editor.” She said firmly.
“We can’t pay you a lot, Yuki. How will you afford wigs?” I joked.
“You’re not the only trust fund baby, Baby Jane.” She smiled slightly.
“So how much do we have?” Leo wiped he eyes, back to business.
“I have thirty thousand.” I looked at Yuki.
“I can do ten.”
“Let me make a call.” I pulled out my cell.

“Hello?”
“Dad?”
“Jane, darling, it’s wonderful to hear from you.”
“Dad, I’m doing well, except the magazine I’m at just got bought. I’m staying here and starting a new independent magazine. And I need,” I sighed, “Financial backing. I’m using my own money for part, but I want to be able to pay my staff.”
He paused. “This is what you want to do?”
“Dad, I feel good about what I’m doing and I’m relatively happy. Please.”
“Ok. I’ll give you one year, and the equivalent of your tuition for one year at Wellesley. If you fold or get bored, you go back to school.”
“Ok, that sounds fair. Thank you, dad. Tell mom I love her, ok?”
“Jane. I’m proud of you, but I want you to know, I won’t hold it against you if you don’t make it,”
“Uh, thanks dad.” I shook off his remarks and went back into Leo’s office.
“So now we have… ten plus thirty, plus forty something. How’s that?”
“Jane, I think that’s more than See You has.” Yuki laughed. “Let’s plan tonight. Jane, you’ll be music and culture, right? And I’m fashion and stuff, and Leo is editorials and editor.” She said with authority.
“Music? Really?”
“Duh.” She rolled her eyes. “You fucked a rock star, and you always know the best bands. Who would be better?”
I smiled. They thought I was good at something. Jesus.
We walked to Leo’s apartment after work, she and I holding boxes of her stuff. We sat down around the coffee table when we got there, pouring glasses of whiskey, and toasting our new magazine.
“So I have a name.” Yuki said.
“Yes?” I raised my eyebrows at her.
“Lucky Bitch. Because we’re lucky bitches Jane’s dad is rich.”
We all laughed.
“Perfect!” Leo crowed.
“Now I was thinking we make a craigslist posting for interns.” I said, Leo writing notes.
“And I can call Andrew to interview him. He owes me.” I thought about his kiss again, and shook it off to focus.
“How about Steven?”
“Oh. Right.” I had forgotten about him.
“See, we’re lucky bitches Jane is hot.” Yuki laughed.
“I’m writing an editorial about gay adoption.” Leo said firmly. “Taylor and I are trying.” She smiled sheepishly.
“OH MY GOD!” Yuki and I jumped on her, hugging her tightly.
“So you need dollars, obviously.” I said.
“Ok, and I’m doing a feature on how independent labels work. Something I never did at See You. Maybe how to start a DIY label.”
“Hey, Viv can shoot a spread for us. And Marie works at a high end vintage shop, we can get their clothes on loan, maybe.”
“Is this seriously working?” Leo shook her head in amazement.
“I think it is.” I felt amazing. “To Lucky Bitch!”
“To Lucky Bitch!” Yuki crowed. We toasted and drank our whiskey down.

I took a cab home, excited to a point of ridiculousness. I charged up the stairs and was bursting with my news. I practically yelled at Marie.
“Leo, Yuki and I are starting our own magazine! Leo got fired and then we asked my dad and then we named it Lucky Bitch and it’s…”
I stopped when I saw her look.
“That is so stupid, what about college?”
“I told you, I dropped out, remember?” I half laughed, awkward.
“This is retarded.”
I started tearing up. I grabbed some clothes and shoved them in my oversized purse, and ignored her as hot tears rolled down my cheeks. I left, and stopped on the sidewalk. Where could I go? I pulled our my cell pone and scrolled through, my fingers pausing on Andrew. I pressed send.
“Hello?” he sounded muffled.
“Hi.” I choked out. “Can you… see me? I mean, can I see you?”
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know, everything.” I was now sobbing.
“Come over, ok?” He told me his address and I hailed a cab.

“So everyone thinks I can’t do it. Marie, my dad, they all think I need to go back to school, but I hate it. I hate it there. I hate everything about college.”
We were sitting awkwardly far apart, but my tears doused any sexual tension between us. He scooted closer and out an arm around me.
“I had the same problem. I have a degree from Harvard, but I’m doing this music thing. My parents feel like they wasted thousands of dollars, and they’re sure I’m going to become some morbid E True Hollywood Story.”
“I know, I know. What’s wrong with our different plans? I thought Marie would understand. Shouldn’t she support me?”
I regretted bring up Marie to Andrew.
“She’s kind of a bitch, you know that right? I mean, she was the one who told me about your relationship with Javier.”
“Whoa, what?” I leaned back from him. “It was once, and nothing even happened. I started crying immediately because I thought about you.”
“She told me you….”
“No. And so now I assume you didn’t,” I swallowed, “Kiss her?”
“What? No! I loved you. I was so torn up. I still haven’t been able to date anyone since.”
“That bitch.”
“So you never really cheated, fully.”
“Nope. And you never kissed her.”
We sat in silence. Words I wanted to say hung in the balance.
“So.” He said, slowly and carefully.
“So, now what?”
“Jane, I still…”He paused.” Love you.”
“I looked up at his face, sincere and open.
“I love you too, Andrew. I love you.”
He kissed me gently, and whispered ‘I love you’. My stomach surged with happiness. I felt complete again.
I stroked the side of his face, and gently pulled at his shirt. We made love on the couch, tenderly like it was the first time. AS I laid in his arms after, feeling his breathing go up and down, I remember about Steven.
“Well now I need to break up with the boy I don’t even think I’m dating.” I laughed.
“What did you see in him? He seems like kind of an idiot, no offense.”
“Oh, he is. He really is. He just wasn’t you. I couldn’t be with anyone I actually liked, because I love you.”
“I see. Well, same goes for me. let’s just forget the past months, please. I just want to start new with you.”
“Can I stay here a few days, babe? I can’t face her.”
“Just move in.”
“You still do that, huh?”
“Do what?”
“Propose serious ideas in the form of a statement, so I can’t refuse.”
“Yeah, I do.” We laughed softly, and he stroked my hair. I felt small in his arms, safe and warm.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

got a few typos in there, mo. "ym" instead of "my", "out" instead of "put"...nothing huge, just little edity things. otherwise, yay!